Tears of a Ghost
by Lucy Maria Elmer
Summary: An ailing Ric receives a visit from an old friend


Tears of a ghost.

I own nothing. Sadface.

Ric Griffin sat in the hospital chapel bathed in candlelight, an old worn photo clasped delicately in his hands. It had been so long now. So long since she had left him. Since he had let her down and hurt her so badly and irrevocably that between his hurt and the multitude that was so often cruelly laid upon her, she had made the desperate decision to take her own life.

He still thought of her. Every day he could see her in those hospital corridors as if she was haunting him. Reminding him of what he had lost. Reminding him of the pain that he had caused for someone so beautiful...someone whom he had loved...still loved with all of his heart. She had the most beautiful smile. One that he rarely got to see in the last months of her life...and those eyes...those piercing eyes were always so full of emotion and passion and words unspoken. Those too had always taken his breath away. She had taken his breath away and yet he had failed to notice that she needed protection, from herself, from the harshness of the world...from him.

She was gone. She had been gone for years and he had been alone, content to bask in the misery and pain that losing her had caused. Content to be haunted, for that was what he believed that he deserved. She had loved him and he had failed to go to her. He had loved her but had gone to Thandie instead, leaving that fragile, vulnerable beauty so alone. Now he was being punished, by cancer, by the threat of his own death and he had to admit, part of him thought it was karma...his punishment for what he did to her. The penalty he was owed for her death.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, choking back a sob. "I am so sorry." He added, a wave of pain hitting him; one that he embraced.

He ran his shaking hand over the photograph. Over the smiling face that had belonged to her, his one true love. He longed for her to be there with him. For her death to be undone. He longed to be able to hold her in his arms, breathe in her scent, and never let her go. If he had to choose between Diane and Annalese he know who he would pick in a heartbeat. He would choose she who he had loved and lost. The only thing he welcomed about his impending death was that he would get to see her again.

"It's not your time you know." Came a familiar voice from beside him. A haunting voice. Hers.

Ric turned around to see her sat there clear as day, wearing scrubs as she had at the hospital. Her face happy and radiant. So different to how it had been before her death.

"This isn't...The chemo is messing with my mind." He whispered, massaging his temples with his fingertips; the photo falling to the floor.

She picked it up and placed it back on his knee. He could feel her touch though it was cooler somehow. Lighter.

"You're getting so grey." She commented with a small smile, running her fingers through his hair. He trembled and a lone tear fell from his chocolate brown eyes.

"What...why are you here?" He asked her, inwardly cursing himself for talking to a figment of his imagination. A ghost.

"Why are you?" She replied and Ric looked at the floor. "You needed me. So I'm here."

"Like I wasn't for you. In the end." He replied quietly and he could see tears glistening behind those stunning eyes.

"It wasn't your fault. You need to know that. I did it because...It wasn't your fault." She told him tearfully, running her fingers through her blonde waves.

"You must have been hurting so badly." He remarked, his eyes falling to the photo, taking it in wistfully.

"You couldn't have changed it. It was my time to go." She soothed and for the first time he noticed that her eyes were almost the same colour as her scrubs. A beautiful green.

"No one commits suicide because it's their time." He replied angrily. "Look at what you left behind. Jack, your parents..."

"You?" she offered softly, cupping his cheek with her cool hand. "Life was painful. So painful. I couldn't take anymore. Where I am now...I'm happy. I'm at peace."

"I'm glad of that at least. You deserve peace."

"So do you. That's why you need to know not to blame yourself anymore...not to take this cancer as a punishment for my dying. You need to fight it. To properly fight it. It isn't your time to join me. Not yet."

"What if I want to? What if seeing you again is the reason that I've my peace with the pain...with my death?" He asked her, vocalising the most prominent thought that had been in his head since the diagnosis.

"You will see me. I promise you that. You're mine Ric and I'm yours. But she needs you. Right now you're hers. I want you to fight for her. Don't give up life because of me...because of my ghost."

"I loved you. I need you to know that Diane." He told her honestly. His heart leapt as she beamed.

"And I you. I forgive you Ric. I don't blame you. I'm with Steve and Leo...I'm with my babies now." She told him and his mind went back to the days after the termination of Steve's child and her miscarriage of Owens. She had been distraught.

"I would have had girls. Two beautiful girls."

Ric smiled, his heart suddenly warm.

"You would have been such a wonderful mother. I always thought..."

"I know." She replied, placing her hand in his and entwining their fingers. "I did too. I have to go now Ric..."

"No. Please...Diane..."

"I have to go." She told him tearfully, giving his hand a squeeze as he trembled with barely contained tears. "But I wanted you to know that I don't want you to punish yourself anymore. Embracing that pain is admitting defeat. I was always the defeatist. Not you."

"Diane..."

"I will always be with you. Always and when it's your time I will be the one to come and get you. But it's not that time yet. So live these days. Live them, fight that disease and please...let me go. Let my death go."

Ric shook his head.

"I can't. I.."

Diane propped his chin up with her fingertips so that he was looking her directly in the eyes.

"You can and you will my love... because I forgive you."

And then her lips touched his forehead and she was gone.

Ric Griffin sat alone in the hospital chapel, bathed in candlelight, an old worn photo clasped delicately in his hands. He smiled as he looked at that beautiful face; one that belonged to his guardian angel and knew that with her at his side and with her forgiveness, he could finally give himself a chance to live.

The end.


End file.
